The Seward Phoenix Log - News of the Eastern Kenai Peninsula since 1966

By Tommy Wells
Seward Phoenix LOG 

'Little Bug' is about to give us a 'Jewel'


September 29, 2016 | View PDF

Here it is near the end of September and there’s plenty of action going on around our house. Football is in full swing ... and I highly encourage you to get out and support the Seward Seahawks as they prepare for the postseason.

In addition to following football, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Made-Mad is ruling the roost with such authority that even Joseph Stalin would be impressed. Our boys (Bubba, Bobby and Carson) are nearing completion of the first half of their college degrees. Our oldest daughter, Whitney, is doing something. I’m not really sure what she is doing because every time SWMNBMM and I talk with her on the phone, our grandchildren - Mallorie (Baby Mal) and Dominic (Tooter Butt ... UGGHH! SWMNBMM GAVE THAT TO HIM NOT ME!) usually wind up talking more than she does. I figure we will be able to catch up with her in about 5 or 6 more years when talking to adults becomes uncool.

But, by far, the biggest thing happening in the our world, involves our youngest daughter, Kayme. Now understand, nicknames are a custom in our household. So, you should know that we don’t call her by her given name. She’s about a foot shorter than a dwarf, so we refer to her as “Little Bugger,” “Lil’ Bug” or “Bugger” ... unless she does something wrong then we address her by her full title - Kayme Brooke.

I can assure you that you don’t want SWMNBMM calling you by your full name. Listen, in our house if SWMNBMM calls you by your first name there are three things that need to happen quickly. You say “yes, ma’am,” you come running quickly and make a quick call to the priest. I know, we aren’t Catholic, but if momma calls you by your name it never hurts to have a little extra backing in case you get sent to the Great Detention Class in the Sky.

The news surrounding Bugger is that she and her husband are expecting a baby at any moment. Even though her due date is Oct. 2, her doctor has informed all the civilized people in our family (basically myself, Tanner (Kayme’s husband). Bubba, Bobby and Carson) that she could deliver our fifth grandchild at any moment. That news, I must tell you, has SWMNBMM swelled up like a Georgia peach with pride (by the way, she’s originally from Texas ... but I figured I wouldn’t get in near as much trouble if I said she was the size of a peach instead of the size of a Longhorn cow). She’s pacing around and counting the minutes until “Lil’ Bug” delivers her first child, a little girl. I’m pretty sure SWMNBMM is more ready for the baby that the doctor or “Lil’ Bug.” I’m betting if we gave her a jar of Vaseline and some duct tape she could have that baby out in 10 minutes! When Rhylie makes her debut, she will increase the size of our “Legion of Doom” to eight, counting out three young nieces - Marissa (aka. Markie), Zyneka and Veronica.

Here’s the thing, as it was when SWMNBMM and I were young, Tanner and “Lil’ Bug” went through the tortures of the name game. I’m sure she inherited the ability to dream up 100,000 names before settling on that one special one from her female parental unit. It almost drove me crazy because I wanted all the kids to be named Tommy after me. If it was good enough for George Foreman, it should be good enough for me, right? SWMNBMM didn’t agree ... and we only wound up with one child named after me (Bubba is actually a Jr.).

Anyway, with all of this news about Kayme, it also sent me into my own version of the “name game.” You know, as the all-knowing master of everything that my wife lets me do, I am in charge of giving the newest member of the Legion of Doom a nickname that she will have for eternity.

With great thought and consideration, I set about thinking. It had to be something that reflected my love of Alaska and my spouse’s love of jewelry. Then it hit me! I would cover both bases by naming her after my favorite Alaskan artist - Jewel.

Hurry up and get here, Baby Jewels. SWMNBMM has found the tape!!

Tommy Wells is the editor of the Seward Phoenix LOG. He swears everything in this column is true except for the parts that are made up, exaggerated or just plain lies.


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